Power through pain: Working through childhood trauma as an adult
Sep 12, 2025
You deserve to be a priority. If you’re exploring how childhood experiences still shape your adult life, you are already practicing courage. For many Black folks, trauma hasn’t only been personal—it’s also historical, cultural, and often minimized. “Be strong,” “Pray about it,” “Handle it”—these messages may have kept us alive, but they can also keep us silent. Healing invites something different: tenderness, truth, and tools.
What childhood trauma can look like in adulthood
- Hyper-independence disguised as strength: “I got it” even when you’re drowning
- People-pleasing and perfectionism: chasing safety through approval and achievement
- Emotional numbness or shutdown: feeling “fine” but disconnected from joy
- Explosive reactions to small triggers: your body remembers what your mind filed away
- Difficulty trusting, receiving help, or resting: safety feels unfamiliar
- Somatic symptoms: headaches, gut issues, insomnia, chronic tension
- Shame and self-blame: believing you were the problem rather than the child doing their best to survive
If you see yourself in any of these, you’re not broken—you’re adaptive. Your nervous system learned strategies that made sense then. Now we can help it learn new ones.
How trauma shows up in the body Trauma isn’t just a memory; it’s a body story. The brain’s alarm center (amygdala) can stay on high alert, while the “brakes” (prefrontal cortex) struggle to reassure you that you’re safe now. This is why talk alone sometimes isn’t enough—your healing must include your body.
Gentle, evidence-based ways to heal These are approaches I use with clients; each can be tailored to your needs, culture, and story.
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
- What it does: Helps your brain re-file traumatic memories so they feel like the past—not the present.
- What it feels like: You focus on a memory while following bilateral stimulation (eye movements, taps, or tones). Over time, the memory loses its emotional charge and new beliefs—like “I am safe,” “I am worthy”—take root.
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
- What it does: Connects thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so you can challenge trauma-born beliefs (for example, “If I need help, I’m weak”).
- Try this: Thought check. Ask, “Is this a fact, a fear, or a familiar story?” Replace harsh inner talk with language you’d use for a loved child.
- DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)
- What it does: Teaches skills to manage big emotions and build a life worth living.
- Core skills: Distress tolerance (how to ride the wave), emotion regulation (naming and nurturing feelings), mindfulness (staying present), and interpersonal effectiveness (asking for what you need without abandoning yourself).
- Trauma-informed care and culturally responsive therapy
- What it does: Honors your lived experience, community, faith, and identity. Healing shouldn’t require you to explain your humanity first.
- What to seek: A therapist who understands racial trauma, intergenerational stress, colorism, respectability politics, and the pressure of the Strong Black Woman/Man/They script.
Everyday practices that support healing
- Name it to tame it: Put words to your body cues. “My chest is tight; I feel unsafe.” Language lowers the alarm.
- Breathe low and slow: Inhale 4, exhale 6–8, for two minutes. Longer exhales tell your nervous system, “We can soften.”
- Ground through your senses: 5-4-3-2-1. Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
- Create a safety plan for triggers: Identify early signs (“I’m clenching my jaw”), one boundary (“I’m stepping away”), and one skill (cold water on wrists, stepping outside, or paced breathing).
- Reparenting moments: Offer your inner child what they missed—rest, reassurance, play, and protection. Ask daily: “What do you need from me today?”
- Community care: Healing can be communal—trusted friends, support groups, faith spaces that honor mental health, and culturally grounded practices (music, movement, prayer, nature, creativity).
- Media hygiene: Curate your feeds. Mute what dysregulates you; nourish what expands you.
- Celebrate baby steps: Small shifts are still shifts. The goal is consistency, not perfection.
Working with racial trauma Childhood trauma doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Many of us grew up navigating microaggressions, school pushout, medical neglect, or policing of our bodies and emotions. This stress doesn’t just “toughen us up”—it can compound anxiety, depression, and distrust.
What helps:
- Validation: You’re not “making it up.” Racism-related stress is real and measurable.
- Mastery and meaning: Learning the history that explains your experience can replace shame with context and agency.
- Liberation practices: Boundaries, rest, joy, and collective organizing are not luxuries; they’re medicine.
When therapy is right Consider starting therapy if:
- You feel stuck in the same patterns despite your best efforts
- Relationships feel confusing, draining, or unsafe
- You’re exhausted from “performing okay”
- You want to heal, not just cope
What to ask prospective therapists
- How do you address racial and intergenerational trauma?
- What modalities do you use for trauma (EMDR, CBT, DBT)?
- How will we include my body and my culture in treatment?
- What does safety look like in your therapy room?
Affirmations for the journey
- I am allowed to need help.
- What happened to me matters—and I matter more.
- Rest is not a reward; it’s a right.
- I can be gentle and still be powerful.
- Baby steps are still steps.
Simple starter plan for the next 30 days Week 1: Track triggers and body cues; practice the 4–6 breath twice daily. Week 2: Write a compassionate letter to your younger self. Set one boundary. Week 3: Try a grounding practice daily; schedule one joy activity that doesn’t require performance. Week 4: Interview therapists or join a support group; choose one consistent practice to carry forward.
Final word Healing is not about proving strength—it’s about building safety. You don’t have to carry it all alone. With the right support, your story can hold both the truth of what happened and the possibility of who you’re becoming.
If you’re in crisis or considering harming yourself, contact your local emergency number or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. for immediate support.
Want a therapist who understands Black liberation, faith, sexuality, and the weight of “holding it all together”? I offer telehealth for adults nationwide through Anchored Counseling. You deserve to be a priority. If you’d like, I can tailor this plan to your specific needs or provide a version for men, queer and trans folks, or parents navigating trauma cycles.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Cras sed sapien quam. Sed dapibus est id enim facilisis, at posuere turpis adipiscing. Quisque sit amet dui dui.
Stay connected with news and updates!
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.
